Time

This is something I felt like I never had enough of. As I'm sure many of you can relate to. With Matt doing both school and work to take care of our family, we rarely see him. He usually gets home in time to see his girls for maybe an hour a day. Then once they are in bed, he disappears to the basement for homework. He works super hard so that I can stay home with our girls, which I am super grateful for! That being said, most of the other responsibilities fall to me. I take care of the girls from the time they get up around 8:00am until they are both asleep at 9:30pm. I got rid of Kalianna's naptime (she rarely slept anyway) and now she sleeps better at night and no longer has accidents. Between her no longer napping and Matt's work schedule, I have no time to myself until after 10:00pm. It gets exhausting sometimes! On top of taking care of the girls, I take care of all the household chores and any shopping and other errands that need to be done. I also try and write whenever I can. Trying to keep up with everything by myself was really wearing me out! Then I had the opportunity to watch General Conference.

The General Relief Society meeting had a big impact on me. I loved President Uchtdorf's talk! His 5 forget-me-nots really made me stop and think. I was trying to do way too much and this left me feeling stressed instead of happy. I needed to be more patient with myself and realize I didn't have to be super woman. I didn't need to be doing so much. Some of the ways I was spending my time weren't as important as I thought they were. I needed to prioritize. President Uchtdorf got me thinking and then when Elder Andersen spoke in the Saturday afternoon session, he reiterated everything I needed to hear. My absolute favorite part was when he said, "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps . It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for." That last line really hit home for me. Motherhood is what God gave you time for.

Now I don't want you to think that I was neglecting my kids in any way. But I was trying to be a mother and a writer at the same time. After conference I decided as much as I love writing, and as much as I want to work on my next book, and especially as much as my fans want me to finish my next book, it is nowhere near as important as my two beautiful little girls. I have always put my girls before my writing physically, but sometimes I wasn't with them mentally. Waiting for my next opportunity to sit at my desk, or working through a scene in my mind while playing with them. I am definitely not going to stop writing, but I realized I have my whole life to write. My daughter's lives, on the other hand, are zooming by and how much would I regret it if I missed even a second? So I stopped getting on my computer during the day. I took away that distraction and put 100% of my focus back where it needed to be. And you know what? A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. The stress of trying to be everything was gone. And instead I can just be the one thing that is most important: A mom. I will continue to write when I find the time, but I don't need to be a successful author right now. The characters in my books will wait. Kalianna and Magdalyn won't. The characters won't age while I am away. My daughters will.