Not my will, but Thine be done

I have been praying almost since I found out I was pregnant that the baby would come on her own and I would be able to deliver vaginally this time. Once I have two C-sections, there is no going back. All future deliveries have to be C-section. Some people (mostly men) may think I'm crazy for having this desire, given how easy a C-section is. But I don't know, I wanted that experience of delivering my own children. And I don't look forward to the recovery part of a C-section, especially when it requires I can't lift my two-year-old for six whole weeks! I thought for sure this was a righteous desire, and the Lord would surely come through and have me deliver before tomorrow.

A couple weeks ago my mom gave me an article in the Ensign to read. I don't think she knew of my internal struggles; she works for LDS family services and wanted to show me the article because it was on infertility and she knows some of the couples who are mentioned. After reading the article, I was given a whole new perspective. What is a more righteous desire than to bring children into this world? Yet how many righteous women are unable to conceive and have to go the route of adoption?

The Lord knows far more than I do! Maybe I would not do well with labor and delivery, maybe I am supposed to learn a lesson in humility by letting others serve me while I recover, maybe my children are supposed to come C-section so they can have perfectly round little heads. Or maybe this is just one of my trials in this world. Whatever the reason may be, as soon as my prayers changed from "please don't make me have a C-section" to "please bless that the C-section will go smoothly", I felt my tension and stress disappear. And now I am actually looking forward to it! It turns out it's not my will that is the important one. Not my will, but Thine be done.