Kalianna is a really good baby! Matt and I realize how lucky we are to have our first one be so happy and easy-going. But we are constantly hearing things like "You just wait. Your next one is going to be a screamer" or "She might be a good baby, but that means she'll be a terrible toddler" or "We hate you and want you to be as miserable as we are". No, no one has actually said the last one to us, but they might as well have. I don't understand why it is the norm in our society to bring the people around us down. I guess the saying really is true; misery loves company!
I have cared for approximately 73 children over the last 13 years. (I actually sat down and tried to count this morning. Those are just the ones I can remember and that's not counting friends who came over to play or all the kids I've taught in preschool and primary.) Out of those 73 kids, 33 have been boys and 40 have been girls. They range from 5 weeks old to 13 years old and I've dealt with a huge variety of personalities and temperaments. I've dealt with everything from a screaming baby for 3 solid hours to doing the Heimlich on a choking 4 year old to gushing blood from broken glass to cleaning urine off a brand new armchair because of a potty training 3 year old to temper tantrums at the grocery store to biting and pinching and kicking and hitting and screaming at both me and siblings. I can't say I've seen it all, but I sure have seen a lot! So with all these experiences (both good and bad) I really don't need people telling me how my next one is going to be awful. Why can't you just let me enjoy my happy, perfect baby for the time being? I am well aware of the fact that every child is different and the chance of all our babies being as good as Kalianna is basically non-existent. But that doesn't mean I need to hear it on a daily basis. Why do you want to take away my current happiness? My mom is one of the few people who has never made a negative comment or said something mean. At our family reunion a cousin made a comment about not being ready for motherhood and my mom said, "Oh no; Stacy was ready! I've never worried about her!" Thanks mom! It made me feel super good! Why can't more people make encouraging comments instead of negative ones?
Along the same lines, one of my absolute biggest pet peeves is when I hear parents say to their children "I hope you have one just like you". Which is basically the same thing as saying "I hope you are as miserable as I am some day." Don't we want our kids to have a better life and an easier time than we did? When my mom got married, they didn't have a lot of money so she had to make her own dress and have a very simple wedding. So when each of us got married, my mom made sure we got what we wanted and that each of us had a beautiful dress and reception. If she had followed this same logic, she would have said "We're not giving you any money because I had to suffer, so I want you to suffer too." Wouldn't it be more Christlike to say "I hope you never have one like you" and then when we inevitably do, give good advice and help your children deal with them instead of sitting back and enjoying their trials? I don't understand why we like watching other people suffer. Especially people we care about! It just seems mean to me. So I suggest thinking before you speak. And keep in mind the good advice from Thumper's dad, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all!"
1 day ago
7 comments:
Amen! Sorry we missed her blessing... Hopefully we will get to see you guys soon!
This comment come from another mother of a "perfect baby." I just chalk it up to the fact that I am blessed to have her, and I can't wait to have more because she's so great! I hear the negative stuff a lot too. Just smile politely and know that the reason why your baby is so sweet is because she knows how loved she is!
Get 'em Mom!
I see your point. And I agree. Sometimes its hard to swallow a compliment wrapped in a rude, snarky remark...
And for some reason, when your first kid is a holy terror, people NEVER say, "Oh, your next one is going to be an ANGEL!" Trust me.
You are so right. After I had Ryan I really started noticing how much parents verbally abuse their children. Ryan is a really good baby too. I know that he is rare...but well...I see my sister with her kids, and not to dog on her. But her kids are always mad and screaming. She honestly does not listen to them. It seems to me that they are full of frustration. I'm not kidding, she is always yelling out commands, pointing fingers and is so disraspectfull (sp) to her kids. I hate it. Pres Hinckley said the number one thing we could do for our kids to help them succeed in society is to respect them. So, I think that starts from the time they are born. I try so hard to listen to Ryan and respect his opinion..yes..even now. I am the mom and I can say no. But I hear him out. I tell him why he can't have the cookie before dinner and what it does to his body. I tell him why I want him to get away from the edge of the trampoline. I never just say "no" It seems like you and Matt are the same way.
I should also say that I have my moody days for sure. Those days Ryan is more fussy and irritable too. I know that my stress and mood really reflects on him. It helps me to not be that way. If I'm happy, he is too. Unless he's sick or tired. Every kid is different, ya ya. We know. But if mom is unhappy, the whole family is unhappy.
I cannot even tell you how much I agree. My mother is one that tells me I deserve everything I'm getting, and doesn't offer helpful encouragement. I really hate it. Oh well, such is life.
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